Picking Up the Broken Pieces

As we’re well into the month of January, how many of us are already dealing with broken resolutions?  Some researchers say that only 25% of people who make them keep them beyond 1/31. I wonder if the timing is what is off – who wants to shift into good behavior mode when we’ve just finished the gluttony of the holiday season? So, we’re going

to take a look at how we pick up the broken pieces of our resolutions, our health, or our hearts.

One of the reasons we fail in those resolutions is that we don’t make these goals into habits, things we do without thinking about them. One of my lifelong habits is that I make my bed every day. It’s not even an option, though the rest of my bedroom might be untidy, my comforter is straight! Another problem is that we often set vague goals vs something specific: I’m going to exercise vs I’ll walk for 20 minutes 3xs/week. According to Author Justin Hale, an adviser and speaker at leadership and management consulting company Crucial Learning, “"Building new habits in the new year is less about grit and willpower, and it's more about having the right plan to make that new behavior habitual." (Moniuszko, 2024) Often we can just set too many resolutions, so we feel overwhelmed & just quit. So then, how do we make these goals into habits? Hale gives us 3 steps we can follow:

1.      Identify a cue: This is a trigger to our brains that we want to do X. For instance, when I get out of the bed, I automatically start making the bed.

2.      Create a small, actionable routine: Halle says that we “do this by shrinking down the goal or behavior until you want to do it.” Maybe instead of just rushing into the bathroom upon waking, not looking at the bed, we could at least throw the comforter in the direction of the head of the bed?

3.      Choose a reward: Payoffs can be emotional or physical. I know that when I am in my tub looking at my bed, it makes me happy to see it neatly made. (Moniuszko, 2024)

Managing the different pieces of our medical health  - both physical & mental - can be problematic. Especially when one (uh me) has multiple issues requiring coordination over multiple disciplines. Here’s my example. I have 2 major health concerns: Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis (IPF) & Common variable immune deficiency (CVID),  plus a plethora of other diagnoses. IPF started in 2016, though the CVID wasn’t identified until May of 2024. It’s unclear if the CVID caused the  IPF or the IPF caused the CVID. And this is where knowing how to be our own advocates with our health care is so important. I dealt with multiple & varied infections throughout my life, starting in childhood, one of the key symptoms of CVID. No one in all that time checked my immunity. I actually went through several pulmonologists before I found one that took my symptoms seriously. That doctor did real research into my total health history and realized that my immune system was compromised & then referred me to an immunologist. I learned that one really good doctor can help us find the care we need.

The question becomes then how we make better decisions for our health, which leave us with less regret over those choices. We have a long history of doctors making decisions without even consulting their patients. Nine of ten physicians in the 1960’s didn’t tell their patients they had cancer. (Warraich, 2017).  Now of course, times have changed & we can be more in the drivers seat. When we’re faced with a significant medical problem, Dr. Haider Warraich, gives us 3 steps to facilitate the decision process less difficult:

1.      Take a Step Back (It’s okay to take your time) Two factors that challenge medical decision making are the stakes involved & how urgent the problem is. Some diseases or conditions require tests or treatments that are time critical, yet the average physician only gets 13.3 minutes of face-to-face time with their patients. Decisions then are often rushed and put in place without the time for contemplation. Therefore, taking a step back can allow the patient time to do research, to ask questions & feel more

confident in their decisions. (Warraich, 2017).

2.  Ask for Evidence, Not Metaphors. It’s often true that doctors can use metaphors for treatment options. With some conditions, there are multiple options, yet patients tend to choose procedures vs. medications, even though the data shows they are equally effective. Having done something about a problem that is concrete feels more definite than waiting on how an unknown medication might work or not. In addition, people, even physicians, tend to do what they’ve always done. Asking the doctor about specific evidence on the options forces “them to think about what is going on behind their own medical decisions” (Warraich, 2017). 

3. Focus on Values (Not Lab Values) Physicians tend to focus on tests, procedures & labs. It’s also something patients do as well, often leaving confusion on all sides. Dr. Warraich suggests that “The best medical discussions revolve around values – what is a patient’s goal, what is it that they would like to be able to do, what would they like to avoid.” (Warraich, 2017) Which makes identifying our values an important life task.

The pieces of our broken hearts can prove to be sharper than a two-edged sword. (We ain’t talking about a little pocketknife here peeps!) Whether the problems involve a significant other, a parent, a dear friend, or even unfilled expectations, there is pain & loss from a broken heart that requires us to process those emotions if healing is to begin (Mosunic, 2025). In fact, to avoid the hurt & suffering means it will take us longer to recover. (Buscho, 2025).  Broken hearts are emotional (some of us more than others!), though they impact our physical bodies too. The brain can react to these negative emotions as if it were physical pain, releasing cortisol, one of the stress hormones, thus presenting physical symptoms (Mosunic, 2025).

What can we use for the glue on those busted-up beating hearts💔? In addition to the #1 step of processing our feelings, here are some other steps that we can employ for our healing:

2. Remember a heartbreak is a loss that needs to be grieved. Not just the loss of the person, but all the memories, future plans, & hopes for the forever future.  “A broken heart draws you into a black hole of memories and fears, and sometimes feelings of guilt or shame” (Buscho, 2025).

3. We want to ground ourselves in the present, this moment, not the past or future. Use mindfulness, journaling, whatever allows us to be focused on this space of time and place. Go through your senses: sight, sound, touch, smell, & taste. Identify several of each. (Mosunic, 2025).

4. Set good boundaries with those who have hurt us. Limit time spent together so that

pain isn’t retriggered. “Clear boundaries help your nervous system relax and down-regulate” (Buscho, 2025).

5. Practice self-care. This includes making good choices for us in terms of food, rest, exercise. Do activities that bring us peace and joy. (Mosunic, 2025).  Processing heartbreak is physically exhausting; it drains our souls.  “Treat yourself as you would someone recovering from illness.” (Buscho, 2025).

6. Seek supportive, caring people. The hurters can often tear down our self-esteem, as we deal with rejection and criticism. We don’t have to do it all by ourselves. Reach out to those friends & family who care about us. (Buscho, 2025). I know that I would be in a worse situation without my support system,  which includes my therapist, as I go through this awful, sad heartbreak.  

7. Remember healing takes time. Unfortunately, there is no “5 minute” quick fix to mend a broken heart. The process isn’t linear. There will be ups & downs, highs & lows. Some days will feel better than others. Eventually, we can grow from the hurt by “creating meaning from loss” (Buscho, 2025). I’m still trying to understand it personally, though I totally get it

professionally. The loss we experience allows us to expand our capacity for wisdom & love. That word has a different meaning to me now.

Whatever brokenness I try to fix in my life, my faith remains my biggest support. I’ve poured out countless tears and sorrow during this particular circumstance. Whether I am working on setting new goals or facing difficult medical decisions or attempting to put the glue on the pieces of  my heart, I ask for God’s guidance. He says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” Psalms 34:18. He also allows me to throw temper tantrums as I rant & rave about my current situation. He doesn’t necessarily answer my questions, though I can ask all that I want. I hope that we all have that

foundation that we can cling to during our hard times.

Buscho, Ann Gold, PhD.  (2025, September 30). How to Heal a Broken Heart. A blend of psychology, self-compassion, and 7 steps can help heal a broken heart. Psychology Today, A Better Divorce. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-better-divorce/202507/how-to-heal-a-broken-heart

Moniuszko, Sara. (2024, December 31). New Year's resolutions don't last. Here's why they fail and how to keep them, according to an expert. CBS News: HealthWatch. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/new-years-resolutions-tips-why-they-fail/.

Mosunic, Chris, PhD, RD, MBA. (2025, November  29). How to mend a broken heart: Practical steps to heal and recover. Calm.com. https://www.calm.com/blog/how-to-mend-a-broken-heart.

Warraich, Haider MD. (2017, February 6). How to make better Medical Decisions. The Conversation Project. https://theconversationproject.org/tcp-blog/how-to-make-better-medical-decisions/.